he was a man in my life….who i loved so…

i am blessed to not have lost many in my life. Truly truly blessed and it is something i am grateful for every single day….

you grow up and you finally get it. you learn that family is the most important thing in your life. That you can’t survive without them and you don’t want to. you begin to make special time to see them and spend time with them more and more….you enjoy their company.

At a young age i lost a hero. A man i looked up to so much and at the time didn’t know why or even realize why. I just knew i loved him. I just knew he was good, his heart was good. And i knew forsure that family was the most important thing to him. i knew this because he made sure his big family of 5 children, his beautiful wife and 13 grandchildren were at his dinner table enjoying good food at least twice a week, altogether.  He was a man who i never once heard talk about work – he just never brought it home with him. He was a man who let his grandchildren swim for hours after lunch on sunny sundays and who protected us when one of our mean aunts was giving us a hard time or putting us in the corner. He was the man who called me everyday after school to tell me to meet me at the kitchen table because my grandmother was making a good dish because he knew how much I loved to eat. He was a man who came outside with us to pick fresh apples off his apple tree.

He was a man i loved so much. He was the best grandfather in the world…

It wasn’t until 1 year ago that I finally got it. I finally realized that even though i was too young to ask him questions about his life and what his favourite music was because i was too busy being a kid, that i did learn probably one of the most important things from him…..and that was that family is everything. family is all you have and you have to treat them good. You have to love them always and you have to keep them close. He brought a big family of 30 people together every week and I learned that i am the exact same way. Every family function or holiday is put together by me. Just because….and i love the fact that i am just like him in this sense.

i want to bring everyone together – for no reason at all but to enjoy each others company. I grew up and i realized how important family is….how much I want to enjoy my time with them. How in the end they are the ones who are there for me.

It was amazing to realize that even though i didn’t ask him certain questions about his life and likes, i learned something so important from him, just by his actions. Not the words spoken or said – just by watching and remembering what kind of man he was. One i am so honored to call my papa gigi.

A man I miss still so much after 14 years! A man i still pray to and dream about. A man i remember seeing smile one more time before he had to go..just like it was yesterday.

I know in my heart he hears me and as sad as i get wishing he had never left – wishing he didn’t have to go and even worse knowing he didnt want to….breaks me! but i do hope he knows that he taught me so much – a little girl at the time who grew into a women who takes his love with me into my life…everyday, the best way i can. I learned from the best afterall….

love you & miss you papa gigi….with everything inside my heart, thank you, thank you and thank you for everything you taught me..


she was a girl…

She was a girl who always wondered about who she’d marry and spend her life with…..she was a girl who thought about her wedding day in a big white beautiful dress, dancing with her husband to their first dance. What song would they dance to?….what little touches would she add to her big day and most importantly, what would the man she’s married be like? What was his name, what color were his eyes, what did she love about him most?….She thought she came close to finding her future husband times before….but she was wrong. Four men she loved and gave her whole heart to left her life.  She gave them all the love she had inside.

She could cry herself to sleep, ask herself over and over again why these relationships didn’t turn into the real thing. Why she had some much damn love to give but no man to give it to. She could….

Instead, as hard as it is sometimes…and only sometimes….she still walks in her head held high and that feeling in her heart that she WILL be in that big white beautiful dress someday, dancing with her husband to the song they both pick for that prefect moment she’s been waiting so long for…

She doesn’t give up that dream or hope…..never..

she feels him in her heart, she knows one day he’ll walk right into her life and that will be when she wonders how she went so long without him and where he had been all those years before….she also will be grateful that the universe had finally brought them together in the end….she’ll be grateful that their two hearts finally came together….and then she’ll remember, she never gave up that hope or that feeling….the feeling that she just knew all along…knew it would happen.

Happy Valentine’s Day to such a strong girl…I am proud of myself..

maria xo