the universe knows what she’s doing..

I’ve been dreaming a lot lately about things from the past…actually let me re-word that..about people from the past. i’m not quite sure why though?! I mean i’m not thinking about these people but they are showing up in my dreams and it makes me wonder why. To be honest only one of these people that I dreamt about stuck – had me go through some old messages between the two of us which took me back for a second – just a second. It made me stop and think a questions many ask all the time – where did the time go? How the hell did I end up here and how did things end up the way they did? Especially when I thought they were going to go a different way. Was it really all my fault? Did i let something that was once so important to me just slip through my fingers? In the end, was it really my fault?…or was it his? After all he was the one who in the end ended it for good! It was his decision and as much as I put up such a strong front about it…from time to time it does get the best of me…it makes my heart ache if only for that second! I do not sit and get all sad about it because after 27 years, my true belief today is that everything does happen for a reason, it’s all mapped out and the universe knows exactly what she’s doing. So with knowing this, I don’t sit and feel sorry for myself. Instead I trust….I trust that things are going to work out the way they are suppose to! I have that faith – if I didn’t I think i’d be in a lot of trouble. It’s better to walk around with your head held high then walk around feeling sorry for yourself. What good is that gonna do anyway? As I sit here and type i have to say i almost want to pat myself on the back. I hear what i’m writing down in my head and I’m grateful for the attitude i do have about it all. He’s not mine anymore and we went back and forth for a very long time, but everything we got to experience together was all worth it. The memories especially, the good times and the bad. He taught me so much and I hope I left a mark somewhere too – in the end my wish for him is to be happy.  Wherever he is or with whatever he does – my wish is for him to just be happy! and at the end of it all…I can smile and tell myself that i am lucky. Lucky because with him i did get to see what true love is….and my wish for myself is that one day I will find it again – the universe has her ways and I’m grateful to know this – it’s already done…I will have it again…it’s just gonna be with someone else…and that’s okay. The universe knows exactly what she’s doing.

mb

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